You Are Not a Mistake! |
Saturday, February 27th, 2010
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I'd like to talk about how God has created us with different personalities for different reasons. Our personalities are unique, a part of us from our conception. They are not mistakes because we are not mistakes.
Recently I asked someone to describe her personality to me, and she seemed puzzled at the question, as though she had never given it any thought. Well, I think it’s helpful to know something about your own personality, because that will give you some insight into your strengths and your weaknesses, for the purpose of using your strengths and appreciating them, and working on those weaknesses.
There are many personality studies that classify different types of people. None of these are totally accurate in analyzing personality types, but they can be helpful in giving us insight into what our personality strengths and weaknesses are.
For example, one study classifies people into four different personality types:
1. Drivers
2. Expressives
3. Analyticals
4. Amiables.
Drivers are people like me—project oriented, shakers and movers, fast moving, decisive, in-charge and productive. They also tend to be insensitive to people, self-centered and impatient.
Expressives are fun-loving, laid-back, creative people who run on their emotions and feelings. They get bored easily and don't always finish the projects they start; they don't think strategically, but live in the present and worry about tomorrow tomorrow.
Analyticals want to do things right and they tend to be perfectionists. They are very organized and abide by the rules. But they can be procrastinators because if they don't have time to do it right, they just won't do it.
Amiables are friendly people-lovers, who care a lot about others and try hard to please everyone. They are peace makers and try to keep everyone happy. But in the process, they worry too much about what others think, often fail to confront when they should, and try too hard to please everyone.
You can see how our personalities differ and how they compliment each other. Think of some of the personalities in the Bible. Peter was a driver-personality, with strong leadership qualities, always offering his opinions and advice and telling everyone else what to do. Remember when he contradicted Jesus about his death and crucifixion? Jesus was telling the disciples that he would be crucified and then he would rise on the third day, but Peter didn't like that idea, so he said, "No, Lord, that will never happen to you." Jesus rebuked him strongly and said, "Get behind me, Satan! You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." In his desire to take charge and make everything right, Peter was actually an instrument of the enemy and had to be rebuked.
However, that didn't mean that his personality was a mistake; it simply meant Peter needed to have his personality controlled by the Spirit of God instead of under his own control. Think of the great changes in Peter, after the resurrection when he was Spirit filled. He was still the leader, organizing the early church, leading many to know Jesus. But now he was a servant-leader, with a loving heart and under the control of God's Spirit. His personality was needed and used greatly.
As a Peter-type myself, I relate well to him and it comforts me greatly to see how God taught him and polished his personality. You see, Peter didn't need a new or better personality; he needed to bring the one he had under the control of Jesus. I used to think my personality was a mistake, because it seemed to me that women should be more quiet and reserved and not always out front in leadership and blazing new trails. That was the message I seemed to get from my environment, so I kept trying to change my personality and be like what I thought women were supposed to be like.
But God showed me that I'm not a mistake; he made me with this personality for good reasons. I must learn to appreciate the personality I have, but I must also allow God to polish it and shape it to be more like Jesus.
Mary and Martha are good personality studies. Martha was the take-charge driver type and Mary was the amiable quiet type. I can just picture them with all the disciples in their home for a meal, and Martha is working feverishly to get everything done. Drivers are that way; we're project oriented and we like to be doing things. We feel guilty if we're not busy.
So, here's Martha cooking and working, and getting angrier by the minute because Mary's not doing a thing. Finally, when she can stand it no longer, she confronts Jesus about Mary's poor behavior. "Lord," she says, "why do you allow Mary to sit there and do nothing while I'm working so hard? Order her to come help me." In other words, Martha wanted Mary to be like her—hard working and project oriented. She thought that was the best way to be and Mary was wasting time sitting and listening to Jesus.
But Jesus, in his ever-so-gentle way, reminds Martha that Mary may be different from her, but that doesn't mean Mary is wrong and she is right. "Martha, Martha," he says to her, "you are worried and upset about many things but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her."
Jesus taught Martha a major lesson in accepting other personalities, and a major lesson in learning to polish her own. Did Martha immediately change and become like Mary? No, that wasn't what Jesus wanted her to do. Later when he comes back to raise Lazarus from the dead, we still see the leader Martha, taking charge, still cooking and doing, but now with a more considerate heart, watching out for her sister and listening to Jesus.
Jesus taught Martha that out of control, her driver personality could become very judgmental and she could lose sight of the important priorities in life. He didn't want Martha to be like Mary, he wanted Martha to be more like him.
Think of King David. What a great man of God he was, with a strong personality. David had a lot of "expressive" in his personality, because he was very creative. When you read the Psalms and see the incredible beauty of his poetry, you get some appreciation for this man's immense talent. This shepherd boy was able to write words that have touched and comforted hearts through ages and ages.
And I particularly love his openness and vulnerability. He writes his feelings even when they're not so pretty, but he just opens up to God without pretension. He has inspired me many times to be open with God and real and not worry about what people think. David had a wonderful personality, greatly used by God.
But because of his impulsive nature and his tendency to run on his feelings and make quick decisions, he was overcome by that emotional nature and made a terrible, sinful choice concerning Bathsheba, one that haunted him the rest of his life. Eventually he was able to open up to God about that too, and found forgiveness and renewed fellowship.
David had to learn that his personality, though a gift from God, needed careful attention and accountability because he was susceptible to feelings and emotions, which can often get us in trouble. Maybe you can relate to David's personality and realize that God has a wonderful purpose for creative, emotional people and can use them to touch other people in many ways. But out of control, it can be very damaging.
Therefore, for each of us it is important to recognize how God has created us and daily to offer that personality, that body, as a sacrifice to God so that he can shape it into his image.
Remember, God doesn't want you to be like other people, he wants you to be like Jesus. If you've been thinking that your personality is a mistake or a problem, that's the same as saying God didn't create you good, and that's wrong. But because of sin, our personalities are all plagued with weaknesses and problems, and that's why we need to be transformed into the image of Jesus.
It might be helpful for you to analyze your personality. Simply make a chart listing your strongest personality traits and showing the strengths and the weaknesses of those traits. Be sure you look for the good and the bad side of each trait. Sometimes we concentrate on one or the other too much.
When you have done that, take your prayer journal—and if you don't have one, I encourage you to start one in some sort of a notebook—and list the good things about your personality which you need to thank God for. You should regularly thank God for the way you've been created and the good things he is doing with your personality. That's not pride; that's thankfulness.
Then, list the things that you know need to be changed and improved about you—the rough edges that need to be polished. For example, I tend to talk without thinking, and I'm very impatient. Those are personality weaknesses. It's good to find Scripture verses to correspond with those weak areas. In my prayer journal I have written: "Lord, make me slow to speak and quick to listen," which is right from James 1:19. And I pray on the fruits of the Spirit as found in Colossians 3, dressing the inner person with patience along with all the others.
There are many others listed in my journal as a result of God's conviction in my heart and seeing the weaknesses of my personality traits. Very often I pray through that list, my personality improvement list. I know these are desires that are in line with the Word of God, and therefore I know he will give me these desires. And in this way, day-by-day, little by little, God the Holy Spirit is able to polish the rough edges of my personality and transform me more and more into the image of Jesus.
I regularly pray Romans 12:1-2, offering my body and my personality to God as a living sacrifice, giving Him permission to transform my mind. That's a good passage to pray into your life.
Instead of wishing you were like someone else or allowing your strengths to become your weaknesses, focus on thanking God for his master design in you, and work at enhancing the good side of your personality, while polishing the rough edges. And remember 2 Corinthians 3:18 which says, "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." All of us reflect the Lord's glory, as he has created us, with the personalities that we have been given. But that personality needs to be transformed into the likeness of Jesus. It won't change our personality; it will improve it and polish it and make it much more attractive and useful.
