Taming the Tongue

Thursday, November 11th, 2010

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I remember meeting a young woman in one of my business seminars who I discovered was a Christian. We began to share a little about ourselves. She told me about her job and her church, but what I heard was a stream of complaining and condemnation.
 
The church wasn't doing their job; nobody ever offered to help her. She was single and felt they should offer her special help. There were no programs at her church for single women. They never called her on the prayer chain. “But,” she said, “I know God wants me at this church.”
 
Then she told me about her new job and how they asked her to do too much and they weren't considerate of her. She had told her boss what she would do and what she wouldn't do, and wasn't going to let anyone take advantage of her. But she went on to tell me that she had been laid off from another job just a month before and found this new job in three days. That, as we all recognize, is a major miracle in this economy, and she commented how good the Lord was to give her a new job so fast.
 
As she walked away, I just shook my head. "What's wrong with this picture?" I said to the Lord. I felt depressed and kept thinking about all the people in her life who don't know Jesus and wondering what kind of testimony she was to them. I could imagine that with that kind of tongue, she could do the cause of Christ some damage. Who would want to be a Christian if there was no joy, no praise, nothing to be thankful for?
 
I couldn't get her off my mind. I prayed for her. But I kept asking, "What's wrong with this picture?" She did indicate she loved Jesus and prayed and was thankful for God's provision in her life, but that was surrounded with complaining and griping and dissatisfaction and criticism and self-pity.
 
Then it dawned on me: James 3:10: "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing..." And, as James goes on to say, "This should not be." When praise and cursing come out of the same mouth, it just isn't right; something's wrong!
 
And of course I immediately realized that I'm guilty of the same thing sometimes. Blessing and praising God one minute, complaining, worrying and criticizing the next. Can you relate to that? But James says if we can learn to control our words, we can keep our entire personalities in check. Everything about us is affected by our tongues—our relationships, our performance, our attitudes. That is the power which resides in this little thing called a tongue.
 
I want to remind all of us of how critical it is to learn to tame our tongues. Quite honestly, most of us need to do a better job of that, don't we? 
 
In James 3 we are told that if we can control our tongue, we can control our whole body, our entire personality.
 
Now, how is that true? Well, in order to control my words, I have to control my thoughts. After all, I say what I think. In order to control my thoughts, I've got to practice Philippians 4:8, which teaches me to think only what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. In order to practice Philippians 4:8, I have to spend time in the Word, time in prayer. I have to be controlled daily by God's Spirit. I have to be others-focused, not self-focused.
 
So, it's a logical progression: By controlling my tongue I will learn to control all aspects of my life and bring them under the control of God's Spirit. 
 
I told you about a woman I met who said she was a believer, but from her mouth came words of complaining, griping, criticism and self-pity. James says that praise and cursing coming out of the same mouth should not be so.  
 
Your words show what's in your heart. In her heart was bitterness. A "You better not step on my toes" attitude; or “I've been cheated"; and “Poor me." She'll never change her words until her heart changes.
 
James goes on to tell us in the third chapter, verse six, that the tongue corrupts the whole person. When you say these kinds of words, they feed back into your mind, reinforcing all the wrong thoughts, and corrupting your mind.
 
So, how do we control this tongue? Make it a matter of daily prayer. Begin by praying Psalm 141:3: "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips." Here are some other verses on words and the tongue to write in your prayer journal and pray into your life daily:
 
Proverbs 10:21 “The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment." -  Lord, may my lips nourish people today.
 
Psalm 17:3 “Today I have resolved that my mouth will not sin.”
 
Philippians 4:8 “Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy, may I think on these things today.”
 
I Tim. 4:12 May I set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
 
James 1:19 Help me to be quick to listen and slow to speak.
 
James tells us that the person who is never at fault in what he says is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. That's how important it is to tame our tongues. When they're out of control, everything else about us tends to be out of control as well.
 
But James goes on to say that no man can tame the tongue, and he's right. No man can tame the tongue. But the Spirit of God can tame it, if we will make it a matter of serious prayer and daily commitment. Here is a suggestion.
 
Work on one problem at a time. Where do you feel your tongue is most out of control? Do you complain a lot? Or is it criticism? Or gossip? Maybe you just talk too much. Choose one and focus on it until you can see change in that area.
 
Commit to the Lord, for example, "Today I will not complain. Lord, please bring to my mind all through this day that I should not complain about anything. Please stop me when I start to complain. Please make me miserable when I do complain. Please help me to hear myself complain. By your grace, I will not complain today."
 
It would help to memorize some scriptures about complaining, or write them on cards and put them in front of your eyes. For example,    Philippians 2:14: "Do everything without complaining or arguing." That's pretty easy to remember, but harder to practice. However, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you, even stop complaining.
 
Now, in order to stop speaking words of complaint, you're going to have stop thinking those complaining things. Your words are simply revealing what's in your mind and on your heart. So, while you're cleaning up those words, you're going to have to clean up your thoughts. So, you also pray, "Lord, help me to not have a complaining spirit today and allow myself to think in a complaining way. Make me a thankful person."
 
I promise you, if you're serious about taming that tongue, and you approach it with commitment, God is going to empower you to do that. You're going to see changes in yourself that you won't believe. You'll hear yourself start to complain, and stop right in the middle because the Spirit of God reminded you. And with this simple method you can begin to tame that tongue.
 
I suggested that you choose one area where you know your tongue is out of control and work on that. You can do this through God's Word and prayer and daily commitment, until you see the Spirit of God changing you. The areas to consider working on are criticizing, lecturing, arguing, complaining, and talking too much. Remember, too many words will eventually get you in trouble. Proverbs 10:19 says, "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." 
 
Then, focus on some areas where you want to start learning to say the right words. Our words can certainly do a great deal of harm, but the good news is, they can do a lot of good, as well. Proverbs 18:21 says that the tongue has the power of life and death, so we can choose to use it for harm or for good.
 
Choose one area where your words can do good; for example, encouraging words. Make a commitment to the Lord that you will consciously encourage at least two people today. Pray about that as you get going in the morning. First Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up..." That's a command; we are to build people up. Do you do that regularly?
 
Well, start praying about it and ask God to show you who needs encouragement today. I'm certain you can easily find two people to encourage. Look for them; pray for them; and say some encouraging words to them. You'll be amazed that as you encourage them, you will yourself be encouraged. And it takes the focus off of yourself and onto others. That's always helpful.
Also, anytime you think something nice about someone, put those thoughts into words. When you have a sincere compliment in your mind, why not say it? It could be just the thing that person needs to hear today. 
 
Now, if you and I start focusing on the areas where our tongues are out of control and get serious about using our tongues to bring words of encouragement and hope to others, we're going to see incredible changes in our own lives. 
 
Here are some great benefits of taming your tongue. 
  • You will get rid of a lot of stress. When our tongues are out of control, we bring a lot of stress into our lives. Having to listen to ourselves talk all the time is stressful, and when we say the wrong words, we feed the wrong messages into our minds and bring more stress on ourselves.
  • You will get rid of self-focus in your life. I tell you the truth, I've never known a self-focused person who was happy. When you get the focus off of yourself, you're going to be a much happier person. So, when you stop talking about your problems and complaining about them, you'll stop thinking about them so much and you'll think of others. That's going to make you happier.
  • Your relationships will greatly improve as you tame your tongue. Just think of the damage you've done to relationships when your tongue was out of control. Now, you'll be saying words of encouragement and love, and those relationships will blossom.
  • You will improve your performance. When you say the right words, it will greatly influence whatever job you have and how well you do it. That could result in all kinds of good things for you.
  • But most importantly, when your tongue is tamed, you'll be more like Jesus, transformed more and more into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, as we read in 2 Corinthians 3:18. And that means your life will bring glory to him, your testimony will be stronger, people will want to know what makes you different, they'll be attracted to you and you will be a good ambassador for Jesus.
If we control our tongues, we control our whole body. James told us that and it's true. It takes commitment, prayer and the power of God's Spirit, but it is not mission impossible. We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength.