One of the principles I’ve been expounding for a long time is that no one is in our lives by accident. Therefore, the people we encounter in our jobs—even the ones who have evil intentions or selfish motives or irritating habits—are allowed into our lives by God’s providence. There’s a reason that they are our coworkers or managers or customers.

 

We are told in Scripture: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). That’s our assignment for our work relationships and all other relationships. Others may live by more commonly accepted relationship principles, such as, Look out for number one! Don’t take any guff! Stand up for your rights! They may have no motivation to “live at peace with everyone,” but we are called to this Christ-like objective. It is a lofty one; it is one that is often out of step with the world’s wisdom; it is often not appreciated or valued by others. But as disciples of Jesus Christ, it is our guiding principle.

 

No doubt you’ve discovered that you cannot change any other person. You and I can only change ourselves. That means that some relationships will never be what we want them to be because the other person is not willing to improve or change. That’s when we have to learn to let go and accept the relationship as it is.

 

However, most relationships can be improved if we work on ourselves and do everything we can to make them better. That takes a servant attitude and a willing heart. It requires of us a dedication to God’s principles and a willingness to be humbled. We have to care more about improving the relationship than we do about proving that we are right, or getting our revenge, or taking care of “number one.” But when we choose God’s way instead of our own, we discover unimaginable freedom and joy, and the improvement in our relationships is often quite amazing.

 

This means that we have to stop the blame shifting right away. We can never ask God to change others or help us improve our relationships while we are refusing to take the first step, to do what Scripture clearly puts forth as our responsibility in all of our relationships. 

 

Let’s look at some biblical principles concerning relationships, and how we apply them on the job.

 

Here’s a very important principle: Put others first! Philippians 2:3-4 gives a very good definition of what it means to put others first:

 

The best way to describe what “putting others first” looks like is to tell you about my friend Traci. She is a teacher and she worked for a principal who was notoriously difficult. The first day Traci went to work in that school, she was told by her coworkers that getting along with the principal was mission impossible. And indeed she found the principal to be arrogant, aloof, demanding, unrealistic, and incompetent—you get the picture. After a spiritual struggle of her own, Traci decided it was her job to get along with this woman and by God’s grace, she would certainly try.

 

For Traci dealing with this principal included keeping her mouth shut when she wanted to be defensive, doing everything possible to meet her demands, determining to do her job with excellence whether it was ever appreciated or not. In other words, putting this principal’s interests ahead of her own.

 

Soon it became obvious that Traci was able to get along with this authority figure while no one else could. She was asked what she did to get this principal to be kind to her. But Traci was not expecting the relationship to improve. She was just determined to obey the Lord. It became easy for her to work for this person, actually even enjoyable, even though the other teachers and staff still had trouble.

 

Traci took the same attitude that Jesus had:

 

“Putting others first” will look different in different situations, but ask yourself if you’re willing to put others first, even your difficult coworkers or boss.

 

It’s important to understand that putting others first does not mean putting yourself down. In fact, when we truly put others first, we discover an unexpected boomerang of joy and personal fulfillment. The happiest people I know are those who are continually putting others first. It’s one of those biblical paradoxes, where we win by losing. And the reason it works so well is because when we put others first, we are not so self-focused. 

 

Now the question becomes, how in the world do we put this into practice in our everyday lives? The Apostle said we are to consider others better than ourselves, esteem them to be so. That is a mind attitude, not an emotional feeling. That is a choice you and I can make at any time in any relationship. 

 

This attitude change can only come through prayer and through the power of God’s Spirit within us. This has to be a God-thing or it will never be a reality. And it begins, as so much does, by prayer. 

 

Pray something like this daily: "Lord, whoever I deal with today, help me to think of them as more important than I am; help me to put their interests ahead of my own." When you pray like that, people will begin to look differently to you. And when you find yourself irritated with someone, the Holy Spirit will remind you of your prayer and will help you make this attitude change.

 

Our motivation to do this has to be because we love Jesus and want to please him, not because all those people make us want to do it. If we wait for people to motivate us or appreciate what we do, this will always be mission impossible. 

 

This is one of the major lessons we have to keep re-learning, as we seriously strive to obey God’s Word. It is a matter of our will not our feelings. So, don’t worry if you don’t “feel like” thinking more highly of others than yourself. Instead, set your will to think of others as more important and to act and react from that mindset. You will discover that, in spite of your feelings, your behavior will change and eventually it will start to change your feelings.

 

In Philip Yancey’s book, Reaching for the Invisible God, he advises that it is easier to act your way into feelings than to feel your way into actions. In other words, do what you know is right to do and let the feelings follow, if they will. If you wait on your feelings to kick in before you do what you know you should do, you’ll be in wait mode many days, if you’re like me! 

 

Here’s another relationship principle that the Bible teaches: Love unconditionally!

 

It may be true that you’ve never thought of many of your work relationships as friends that you love. You didn’t choose them; they are just part of that job you go to each day. Many are not lovable; many have nothing in common with you; some may even be antagonistic. So, it just doesn’t seem logical that loving unconditionally at all times would apply to those kinds of relationships, does it? 

 

If we view love as something we give to those who love us, to those who induce us to love them by the way they treat us, then it would be true that we’re not required to love some of the people on our jobs. But if we understand God’s meaning of love, our conclusion would have to be different.

 

John wrote in 1 John 4:16b: “God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.”  And1 John 3:18: “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” 

 

This kind of love is an action, not a feeling. It is a decision not a desire. Sometimes the feelings and desires are present; sometimes they are not. Either way, if we live in God, we must live in love. Therefore, I conclude that even those we have not personally chosen as our friends, if they are in our lives, we are to show friendship love to them through our attitudes and actions. That is the God-thing to do, and it will take God’s power to do it.

 

One of the greatest indications that we truly “live in God” and are new creations in Christ Jesus is our willingness to extend this God-love to people who would have no claim on our love otherwise. After all, your coworkers or boss or customers can’t expect you to love them, can they? They can expect respect and civility and perhaps sociability from us, but not love. It’s not in your job description and no one can demand it from you.

 

Therefore, when you choose to love in actions and truth, you show a loveless world a little sample of what Jesus is like. You become the love of God reaching out to them, unconditional love, which cannot be explained or ignored. It is powerful in its implications and effects on the relationships of our lives.

 

One small verse in 1 Corinthians 13 reminds us that “Love never fails.” When nothing else works, try love. When there seems to be no way to improve a relationship, try love. Love never fails.