As written and presented by Mary Whelchel

PROGRAM D-6055

Men are more visually oriented than women, and that's okay, as long as we keep it within reasonable limits.

The qualities that make a relationship meaningful and durable are not how someone looks. Yet many single men simply refuse to associate with or get to know a woman at all unless she visually meets their standards. Let me tell you that you may pass up a terrific woman by refusing to get to know her simply because she's not exactly what you were dreaming of.

Have you ever thought about the underlying reason a man wants a woman who's a 'knockout' by his visual standards? Part of it undoubtedly must be that it simply pleases him visually, but isn't it also an ego trip? You want to have a woman who creates a dynamite impression on others, so when people see her they say, 'Wow!' And if you're with a 'Wow' woman, what does that make you? It elevates your value and your stature as a man to have a 'doll' on your arm, I think. And that puts us right in the middle of a problem identified in Scripture as pride.

During my desperate years when I was looking for 'Mr. Right,' I didn't realize until I had come back to God and was walking closely with him that my motivation for finding this wonderful man was very suspect. While I didn't have standards based on physical appearance, I had qualifications based on sophistication and 'presence,' I called it. And so clearly and gently God showed me one day that what I had been looking for was not the right man that God had for me, but a man that I could wear like a badge. And with that man, people would say, 'Wow, Mary must be something special to get a man like that!'

Can you read between those words? Pride certainly reeks through every word. I wanted to appear to be somebody. I wanted people to envy me. Selfishness is apparent, for I cared about what he could do for me, not what I could bring to him. And I had a severe misunderstanding of what makes a person valuable and what brings significance to one's existence. And by the way, I was a Christian at that time.

It might be a good idea to check out your motivations behind your desire for the girl who meets your visual requirements. They could be quite sinful and inappropriate.

As a single woman, Mary is familiar with the pitfalls that ensnare single Christians. In her book Common Mistakes Singles Make she understands and offers non-compromising, biblical solutions for singles. This week she is offering the book at a special price of $5. Call the ministry at 1-800-292-1218 or go online to www.christianworkingwoman.org to order.

We depend on our readers to support us financially so that we can continue to provide this service. Would you consider sending a donation to help us? Any amount is appreciated. Click here to donate or call us at 1-800-292-1218.